he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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