When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
