i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
