PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
