I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
