Kiss
Puke
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
