***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I smell stomach acid.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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