She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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