your room smells of hookers.
And success
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
