Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
