One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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