Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
