Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
