Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
