Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
