did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm sobbing to NWA
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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