well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
