so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
