It's a beautiful day for a hangover
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Someone shattered a urinal.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
