That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
