What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
