is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
