if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
