I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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