This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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