I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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