i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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