so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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