Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
