i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
