Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
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