I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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