I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
