I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
