Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
