I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
