it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
