He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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