just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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