you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
please come you make the beer taste better
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
