I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
