So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
