Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We left the knife in your bed.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
