Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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