True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you told grandpa to call you daddy
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
