Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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