I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
