The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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