I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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