dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
