just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
