On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Randomize
